Noxious Infatuation
by 11X.d
Summary: Kira was addicted to Gin, now he's in wake for the after-effect. 'It's Izuru Taichou...only Izuru'


A/N: Ok, this has been on my mind for some time, I just only got around to posting it. This also is my first attempt in bleach, but surely wont be last. I got like bombarded with plot bunnies, all for bleach. What can I say I got obssessed.

R&R, hope you enjoy.

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It had been around six months that Matsumoto and Kira had weekly drinking sessions. It had started off when Kira first apologized to Matsumoto for attacking her and Matsumoto good naturedly offered a drink. The first session was in the tenth division office and had even included her captain in it for the first quarter, then later was replaced by Shuhei. It was rather a heavy drinking session and in the end Shuhei and Kira both ended up in toga like string panties, lying face down and groaning.

After that week either Matsumoto or Kira suggested going drinking, Kira more subtly and Matsumoto usually dragging Kira off to a bar. And from the fourth week there were no questions asked, and usually Matsumoto readied countless bottles of sake, beers, and vodka with few choices of fruits and salted peanuts for snacks in the tenth division headquarters waiting for the other to arrive. Occasionally Renji or Shuhei attended but usually passed out or left earlier, leaving Kira and Matsumoto in a heap of drunken masses with a heavy atmosphere set around them.

When they drank together it seemed that Kira drowned himself in his drink, poured shots after shots down his throat until the only thing he could concentrate on was his throbbing headache. Matsumoto could easily understand why Kira drank the way he did. The third division currently was left in shatters and it was up to Kira solely, to pick up all the pieces. All forms of responsibility were left on Kira's shoulders, and the sharp glares of accusations didn't stop easily. People talked about how a vice-captain could not be aware of what his captain was doing when they were that close, a blame that wasn't left on Shuuhei or Hinamori.

Shuuhei clearly did not have a personal attachment to his captain and was close enough to him as he needed, not bothering to ask Tousen what he was doing, and Tousen never asked much of his division members. And nobody blamed Hinamori because perhaps they took sympathy on her for shedding tears, and seeing the deep sorrow in her eyes as she saw the hanging corpse of her beloved captain. No one suspected the soft spoken fifth division captain and his equally sweet vice captain even though something was clearly unjust about the whole situation. So the blame was left to Kira, the constant melancholy looking third division vice-captain. Since Ichimaru was many people's distrust when he betrayed Soul Society no one was as surprised as they should have been. Then the sharp pointed glares turned to Kira whenever he walked by, whispering underneath their breath about how fishy it was that he didn't follow his much-loved captain to Hueco Mundo, even going far as calling him a spy of them. They obviously did not see the look of shock when he heard of the betrayal or how his eyes were underlined with guilt and distress constantly since the incident.

Kira still had the look of utter betrayal, anguish, and ache when he drank and went so far as to softly crying out for his taichou, all which Matsumoto silently pretended not to see or hear. Then slowly little confessions came to her ears, she wasn't sure whether they were meant for her to hear or it was just Kira's drunken ramblings of his emotions to no one in particular but she always heard them and whenever Gin's name came up in conversations Kira's confessions echoed in her mind.

The way Kira would ramble about Gin he seemed he was completely addicted to the man. Calling out for taichou, and the longing empty look in his eyes made Matsumoto wonder if Kira's mental stability could be trusted. To Kira Gin was close enough to his god, and when he betrayed Soul society it was as if all light and righteous in his world had fluttered away in a blink. Even till the end the man that others regarded as sly, manipulative, and creepy, to Kira he was still his beloved captain, admirable, and his entry to relief and sanity.

Ichimaru Gin was a different face to everyone. To Matsumoto he was the boy who offered her food, a patron and savior of her youth, a friend, and even till the end someone she saw as her affectionate childhood comrade…until he disappeared from her sight into Hueco Mundo, leaving her to yet again question his motives and drown into the pit of disappointment. To Kira he was a gateway to a questionable ecstasy, a god as described before, a source of half hearted, misled courage, a hazy mist of dubious loyalty. Kira fell head-first, much too fast into Ichimaru until he became his second oxygen, and now with Ichimaru gone Kira was left chocking from the after-effect. But to everyone else Ichimaru Gin was the strategically talented third division's captain, the one with the mysterious face, slit-eyes, creepy smile with the talent to suck out someone's life just by talking and looking at them in his everyday voice and attitude.

To whom Ichimaru was sincere to, was debatable, but Matsumoto hoped it was to her and the face that he showed before his departure, apologetic and slightly mournful with thousands of thoughts behind it, was not another acted or planned out feeling. She'd hate to believe the fond looks he sent her during academy days, the sympathy hugs he gave, the drinks he bought and the shoulder he lent was not another played out act.

"It's Izuru Taichou…Izuru…" Matsumoto could barely make out the slurred out words. What story was behind those words? Behind the little phrases Kira would talk, was usually self-appointed thoughts he never spoke out, and behind them always had a story.

This was the fourth phrase. Behind the other three were equally emotionally wrecked stories. Matsumoto waited from him to continue. At first Matsumoto had turned her head away pretending not to hear or to see and let Kira drown in his own misery, now she listened taking the words deep and sighing when he passed out or cried himself to sleep.

Out of Kira's confessions she gained a lot of information on Gin, ones she probably never would have gotten without Kira's little drunken babbles. Also she heard enough to know Kira and Ichimaru were involved far more than a vice-captain and captain should be.

"Not…_her_…" Matsumoto's ears strained in curiosity and she was ready to shake the boy to say the words faster. Kira groaned as if he heard something absolutely malicious, and in his blue eyes tears gathered. "Please…don't say _that_."

Matsumoto sipped her sake in a slow manner watching Kira out of the corner of her eye. "I-I'm not her…Taichou….it's Izuru…" Half mumbling out the words Matsumoto's inquisitiveness was getting the better of her. It wasn't exactly good manners to pry into one's personal life like this, she really should have been pretending not to listen and looking away, instead she was now looking at Kira intently waiting for the next words to slip out.

This time Kira let out another cry, which almost sounded like a yelp and by then streams of tears flowed down the flushed face. "I'm not…her, not…Rangiku-San…" Matsumoto then let out a loud cough as the alcohol she had been sipping went up her nose in the most distasteful manner. Her eyes widened and stared down in Kira at sheer alarm.

Her mind demanded she shake him awake and make him spill all the details, however her conscious stopped her so she met the two at the middle by staring thoroughly at Kira holding onto his words as her lifeline. She saw Kira's face distort in agony, his breath hitch, and his entire body cringe; the tears falling ever more freely now.

Then Kira chocked out, fist clenched, lips trembling, "_No_…Izuru, Taichou_. Only Izuru." _

Matsumoto sighed as she saw that Kira had drifted off into slumber, another one filled with faces of Gin, the ghost of his touches, the sound of his voice tickling Kira's ears, until Gin was running through his veins and Kira was left between the forlorn space of heaven and hell.

Gin never made provocative moves on her, touched her inappropriately or made her feel uncomfortable, he was polite to her, a gentleman of all sorts, it was one of the many reasons why she didn't bother to listen when her Captain warned her about Gin. This new information laid out by Kira was most interesting and disturbing. It could explain exactly why Kira had the look of envy and disgust in his eyes when they fought and thrust his sword a little too harshly for just a distraction.

"Gin…" She whispered out, tilting her head back and looking out the window. It was snowing. The moon was in its crescent form and stars shone brightly, and the picture of him in his younger form danced before her eyes. The blue kimono swooshing in the cold air while she was left to wait in the barn, draped in a white sleeping robe looking curiously at his back form. That was when they were younger where he usually journeyed off to find portions of food for them to eat, most likely in a way in he was ashamed of, hence leaving silently and never mentioning a word of how he got it. Now where he disappeared off to was a mystery and he only left quizzical words that left hope in her bones and carried belief through her body.

It must have been million times worse for Kira. If small words for Matsumoto gave such optimism, to Kira the touches must have been thrilling, Gin's voice a new sensation, the looks must have seemed to offer another basis of existence, until he was given new breath and bathed down in feverous fixation and devotion.

The blond boy having a light sleep over the coffee table still looked bathed in that miserable affection and attachment towards his captain. The breath he takes seems to inhale Gin and when he wakes up and someone looks clearly into his eyes they'll see a fraction missing. He stirs. Perhaps another nightmare Matsumoto ponders and takes another cup of sake and sips slowly.

Kira's hands move slowly in a twitching manner towards the sake bottle. Kira was flushed with teary eyes and far too intoxicated for another drink.

"Ugh…Matsumoto-san," Kira called out voice straining as if talking worsened his headache. "Pass the sake bottle please."

Matsumoto was tempted to deny him, for just a drinking session to take away stress, consuming this much alcohol would become stress in the morning. But she pondered, to Kira stress and a heavy headache could be just the cure he was looking for. In the morning he won't be able to think straight, get most of his work done, eat anything and the dull headache won't be able to leave his system for the day and Gin will be gone from his thoughts, for a short while at least.

"Allow me," Matsumoto took the sake bottle into her hands and poured it for Kira. "Drink up Blondie!" Matsumoto smiled and watched Kira slurp the alcohol back.

Holding the cup with shaking hands Kira asked again, "another one please," and Matsumoto was hardly surprised. Kira was going to wash away all thoughts by this invigorating drink until his head was left throbbing, his body worn out and forces his mind to fall into the black pit of a dreamless slumber.

"Of course," She poured the drink again and watched him sip it back. It continued on Kira forcing the alcohol down and Matsumoto always pouring another cup for him.

The tick-tock sound of the clock carried through the tenth division office and through the crack in the window snow and wind crept through. Countless empty bottles rolled around the floor and the stench of alcohol would be unbearable in the morning. The clock on the wall seemed to be pointed at either four or five; Matsumoto's vision was far too blurred to accurately match the time.

While the fresh night air to Matsumoto might have been a soothing lullaby to Kira the gust of the breeze felt like the ghosting fingers of Gin's touch. The long bony fingers crawling up his skin, dancing, and Kira was then sure he could feel his captain's breath tickle his ear. The words whispered in his yesterdays echoed in his mind, and the lingering taste of alcohol his captain used to have in his mouth returned until it haunted his own lips.

Shivering he rose his body from the table he was draped over, and looked to Matsumoto. The woman was now softly snoring away, her uniform slipped off her shoulders reveling much of what should be covered. If it were any night nearly a year back he would be lying next to his captain, sheen of sweat covering his body as he curled beside him, dozing in peace. If it were then, he would still have a captain and wouldn't be getting flat out drunk with the woman of his captain's infatuation.

Taking the nearest bottle to him and pouring himself one last cup he drank it down. It had cooled, and didn't have the warm soothing taste of sake but held more of a bitter, distasteful flavor to it. Observing the sleeping woman from the corner of his eye Kira criticized her.

Long strawberry blond hair flowed to her waist, small oval face, and a beauty mark took position on her face, and when she opened her eyes lustful blue eyes would stand tempting. The long graceful neck led to her much exposed shoulders and collarbone, and then her –very- renowned breasts. Any man would be able to see she was clearly attractive with such large breasts to name her the cleavage of soul society. And as much as her beauty allowed her every man's favor she would take each of them, softly flirting with them, and would talk about the crudest subjects that would light a blush on the most shameless perverts. She seemed loose and far too careless for anything that would seem as a long term relationship.

If it was just lust that Kira saw in Gin's eyes as he roughly gripped his hips and thrust, he could have pushed it out of his mind. But the glint of longing, fixation, and desire colored his eyes and the whispers in his ear that sang '_Rangiku'_ wouldn't stop. Is that what was imbedded into his Captain's heart? A woman sloppy, shameless, selfish and a loose flirt?

Though her hospitality towards him was appreciated he still couldn't help but be negative towards her. While other men from the district stare at him with envy, pride, and curiosity –sometimes all mixed together- on how is it that a pretty-boy like him got a voluptuous woman like her to hang out with him, buy him drinks, and parade around with him through the entire Soul Society exposing much that should be covered.

There had been a spread of jealousy like this when they saw Ichimaru Taichou –_his_ taichou- expressing friendship with her by drinking, hugging and talking on such friendly terms. He had dismissed it then as he came to pick up his taichou from a bar - who was far too drunk to move – as just a night out between childhood friends.

He had later that night let his taichou toss him into bed and fuck him to a new extreme. The excessively strong grips on his hips, the harsh bites on his neck, the scratches his nails left on his back and the hickeys on him everywhere were left black in the morning. He had thought nothing of it -Taichou was stressed that was all- later he would realize the pent up tension that night was for someone else, whom he would have been much more gentle to, loving and for surely sincere to. _Rangiku_.

Kira was trembling. Before when he trembled Gin had always held him and whispered comforts in his ears, with that sweet Kyoto dialect of his. Even if the said words were just fancied up phrases and an unhealthy kind of soothing; his Taichou had offered him complete support; support he couldn't expect or get anywhere else.

If Gin was still here Kira wouldn't be here, and he wouldn't be trembling. He would be in the warm and always clean third division quarters nesting closer to his captain's warm body, while a sweet and sour scent filled the room that never failed to tickle his nose, and he would still believe in a happily-ever-after ending. That's all gone now. Most of his nights are left hung over a desk or in the tenth division vice-captain quarters with a reeking smell of alcohol in the air and a chill that lasts deep in his bones that threatens to never go away. The happily-ever-after ending he thinks now is a dream that flied away from him and was never meant to be—for him anyway.

Kira laid his body on the ground and softly closed his eyes. The pounding in his head was going to let him drape himself into sleep. And in the morning he'll be as he always was.

Yes. In the morning he'll be just quite fine. He'll have a raging headache but still do his job as a vice-captain and try to tidy out his broken division step by step, he'll say his greetings, over work himself and fall asleep on his desk. All while trying to pretend everything was fine, and he did not in any circumstances miss his traitor-captain.

He'll erase all thoughts of the ex-captain of the third division and try to picture him as a treacherous creep who damaged many people in countless ways. He would always fail after, leaving a trace of tears following his cheeks as the utter raw grief of his abandonment would come back to him in waves of pain.

Ichimaru Gin's influence would be left upon Soul Society for a long time to come, and Kira was a commendable example of it. The solemn looking vice captain would be left drunk, over worked, with too much haunts of the past at night, while during day he'll try to remain strong and unaffected by the entire incident while failing miserably at it.

No decent amount of distractions, the best companies, the strongest liquor, and the largest loads of labor would distract Kira away from his compulsive thoughts of Gin. The mind-blowing ache from Gin's betrayal would never cease. The ghosting touches, scars, faint whispers that would tickle Kira's ear and the memories were there to stay.

As a man that gave Kira a new breathe and let him be bathed in illusions of ecstasy, Gin would not disappear too quickly; if ever. Kira would breathe him in and he'll run in Kira's veins always pulling him back to the false comforts of his yesterdays.

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A/N: How was it? I think there were really long sentences and it's a bit repetitive and stuff.

Thanks, if you actually read to this far and I'd be pretty grateful if you reviewed.


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